In three months I will be a father. A father to Elliott Marr Wieler - the "working" name of the little mystery that is to be. I will say that grasping the full concept of the situation is easier said than done. I have found myself immersed in scheduling details, information, and all things *future*. A future that brings great promise, openings, and closure all at the same time...
It is a necessity that such things are planned for and that details are reviewed in advance - but it is much more dificult than I ever expected to remain *present*. I have found myself reflecting on my father and his relationship to me. I understand our similarities and appreciate the lessons that I have learned from him. My father shows his apprecation and love in a filtered way that is equal parts "how he was raised" as well as the "time at which he was raised". He grew up in the shadow of WWII - with his own father being shot down in a fighter plane over a faraway ocean before he ever met his son. I'm sure that changed everything...
He was cared for by grandparents and relatives (primarily female) who doted on him - wanting to make up for the loss with gifts and devotion. I can't tell if this made him stronger or weaker, but I do know that he can't really operate a washing machine, an oven, or basic household items that anyone with a few months alone is forced to figure out. I'm sure that changed some things...
He has a solid sense of humor - equal parts dry, quick witticism and cornball salad. I'm not entirely sure I agree with everything that he finds funny, but that's pretty normal. He is also very driven to succceed - this is demonstrated with long (often isolated) hours, pouring over work and Rotary details again and again until the finishing touches are complete. I appreciate the idea of "building something" in this fashion - leaving behind something for others to comb over. A "body of work" so to speak... How much of it is valid, of significance, or even interesting for anyone else is up for debate. I do know that focused time invested in anything changes things...
My wife and I chose "Marr" as our son's middle name because that was the last name of the father my dad never knew. I do believe in these types of traditions and their significance. I do believe in keeping the embers of family alive. I do believe that this matters.
I do love my father and I know that he loves me - for this I am lucky. I am excited about the idea of having a son that will get to know his grandfather, and I look forward to him understanding the significance of his place in time. I am my father's son...
It is a necessity that such things are planned for and that details are reviewed in advance - but it is much more dificult than I ever expected to remain *present*. I have found myself reflecting on my father and his relationship to me. I understand our similarities and appreciate the lessons that I have learned from him. My father shows his apprecation and love in a filtered way that is equal parts "how he was raised" as well as the "time at which he was raised". He grew up in the shadow of WWII - with his own father being shot down in a fighter plane over a faraway ocean before he ever met his son. I'm sure that changed everything...
He was cared for by grandparents and relatives (primarily female) who doted on him - wanting to make up for the loss with gifts and devotion. I can't tell if this made him stronger or weaker, but I do know that he can't really operate a washing machine, an oven, or basic household items that anyone with a few months alone is forced to figure out. I'm sure that changed some things...
He has a solid sense of humor - equal parts dry, quick witticism and cornball salad. I'm not entirely sure I agree with everything that he finds funny, but that's pretty normal. He is also very driven to succceed - this is demonstrated with long (often isolated) hours, pouring over work and Rotary details again and again until the finishing touches are complete. I appreciate the idea of "building something" in this fashion - leaving behind something for others to comb over. A "body of work" so to speak... How much of it is valid, of significance, or even interesting for anyone else is up for debate. I do know that focused time invested in anything changes things...
My wife and I chose "Marr" as our son's middle name because that was the last name of the father my dad never knew. I do believe in these types of traditions and their significance. I do believe in keeping the embers of family alive. I do believe that this matters.
I do love my father and I know that he loves me - for this I am lucky. I am excited about the idea of having a son that will get to know his grandfather, and I look forward to him understanding the significance of his place in time. I am my father's son...
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